Past Is Not Present

Do you have anything that happened in the past that you still struggle with shame and guilt for what you did or didn't do? I do. There are days where I find myself really struggling with actions from the past. I can't believe that I actually did or said some of these things. I feel ashamed, disgusted, and not worthy of love and grace.

One of the big things that I struggle with are things that I said and did to people in college. Not only are these things that can't be taken back, but they are also things that I don't even remember the names of the people that I said them to. The people I might possibly remember names of, I have no idea where they are because that life is so far away from me now. So I have to deal with the fact that I can never say I am sorry for what I have said or done to so many people.

I am thankful that I am no longer the person I used to be. I am thankful for God changing who I am. I have asked God's forgiveness for my former life and I know He has fully granted it. So why do I still struggle with these things?

Maybe I struggle with the past for two reasons.

1. I have not fully forgiven myself for what I have done.
2. Satan uses that to distract me from where I need to be.

I don't know if anyone deals with this like I do. If so I want to share a few words with you. The other day I started reading a book titled, The Book of the Dun Cow, by Walter Wangerin Jr. It is a beautiful story of good vs. evil. In one of the early chapters was this statement that made me think of this post.

If you haven't forgiven yourself for something, or the next time Satan tries to distract you from the present by using the mistakes of the past, I want you to remind yourself and Satan of this truth.

"Past is past. Past is not present. Did is not do. Was is not is" --Walter Wangerin Jr.