Past Is Not Present

Do you have anything that happened in the past that you still struggle with shame and guilt for what you did or didn't do? I do. There are days where I find myself really struggling with actions from the past. I can't believe that I actually did or said some of these things. I feel ashamed, disgusted, and not worthy of love and grace.

One of the big things that I struggle with are things that I said and did to people in college. Not only are these things that can't be taken back, but they are also things that I don't even remember the names of the people that I said them to. The people I might possibly remember names of, I have no idea where they are because that life is so far away from me now. So I have to deal with the fact that I can never say I am sorry for what I have said or done to so many people.

I am thankful that I am no longer the person I used to be. I am thankful for God changing who I am. I have asked God's forgiveness for my former life and I know He has fully granted it. So why do I still struggle with these things?

Maybe I struggle with the past for two reasons.

1. I have not fully forgiven myself for what I have done.
2. Satan uses that to distract me from where I need to be.

I don't know if anyone deals with this like I do. If so I want to share a few words with you. The other day I started reading a book titled, The Book of the Dun Cow, by Walter Wangerin Jr. It is a beautiful story of good vs. evil. In one of the early chapters was this statement that made me think of this post.

If you haven't forgiven yourself for something, or the next time Satan tries to distract you from the present by using the mistakes of the past, I want you to remind yourself and Satan of this truth.

"Past is past. Past is not present. Did is not do. Was is not is" --Walter Wangerin Jr.

Thought this was cool!

I saw this video the other day at a workshop and I thought it was cool. They have several others. You can go to the fun theory website or you can go to youtube and search fun theory.

Maybe there should be a joy theory that addresses serving God.

Free Music Download

Today on the Rabbit Room, Andrew Osenga posted a link to some free music downloads on his site. I went to it and downloaded them. I have only listened to two of the 5 songs but they were pretty good. Thought I would pass on the link in case you wanted to get some new tunes, that are free! Click on the link below and it will take you to his site where he explains the songs and gives the link to download them.

http://andrewosenga.squarespace.com/free/

A Real Life Good Samaritan

"Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood, would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be...my neighbor?"

I have told this to a few people so far and I think they were a little shocked, possibly wanted to laugh a little. Which is fine. I wouldn't have expected any other response. It makes me laugh a little. The other day on The Rabbit Room Blog, Jason Gray wrote a post about Mr. Rogers. When I saw how long the post was and that it was about Mr. Rogers, I almost didn't finish it. But I decided to stick with it and I am so glad that I did. The post talks about Mr. Rogers' faith which guided him and his show, and it talks about the impact he had on those around him and those around the world.

I didn't know that Mr. Rogers was a devout Christian. At the end of Gray's post he has included two videos and in one Fred Rogers says "Why in the world couldn't we use this thing called television for the broadcasting of grace through the land?" That is why he wanted to start the show. To broadcast grace. He wanted to give the message that he cared about people no matter who they were or what they were like.

The post shares a few excerpts from a book titled I'm Proud of You which was written by Tim Madigan. The book chronicles the friendship that he developed with Fred Rogers and shares details the faith that Rogers displayed in his life. It gives several examples of how selfless Mr. Rogers was and how he put others and their needs first. But one of these really stuck with me.

Tim writes of how Rogers demonstrated this the first time they spoke:
“Do you know what the most important thing in the world is to me right now?”
“No,” I said.
“Talking to Mr. Tim Madigan on the telephone.”

He could have been thinking about a million other things from his own family, to his show, to any of the problems that might have been going on in his life, but Rogers didn't do that. He took the back seat and put a stranger on the phone before all else. And from the people who ever met him, they will tell you that is the way that he was everyday, with every person that he encountered.

I will admit it to all of the readers here like I admitted to a few of the people that I told about this post in the Rabbit Room. When I finished reading this post, I cried. I wondered if the post had just caught me at an emotional or vulnerable moment and that is all it was, so I read it again before I started typing up this post. I cried again. I think I cried for two reasons. It is emotionally moving to see someone love people wherever they are, exactly as they are, with no exceptions. Rogers had been so shaped by the love of Christ that he did all that he could do to love everyone with that same love. But the second reason I cried is because I know that I don't even come close to that kind of love. Family? Yes! Friends? Yes! But there are people that I encounter everyday that I dismiss for countless reasons. I am too tired or too busy or find them just a little bit too different for me to invest in. And that is a tragedy.

I pray for new eyes and the ability to put all others first, so that God can have the glory.

I hope you will go over to the Rabbit Room and read the full post and watch the two short videos. It may take 10 minutes of your time, but it is a beautiful reminder of the life calling we have all been given and an example of someone who fulfilled that calling.

Click Here to go read the full post by Jason Gray titled: "I'm Proud of You" - My New Hero.

Let me!

It is amazing how independent a two year old can be. "I can do it! Let me do it!" Gideon is more and more convinced that he can do almost anything. And I know that as he gets older, that he will continue to become more independent, which is what every parent wants for their children.

Once in a while though Gideon still needs us as much as always. The other night, he came out from his room and climbed up in my lap. He just wanted to be held. After a few minutes he went over and climbed up in Gracie's lap and laid his head on her shoulder. She sang him a song and then whispered to me, I think he is asleep. Sure enough he was. In his busy little world where he wants to do everything and he is so independent he is still comforted and reassured by us. So much so that when he allows himself to accept it, he will be so at peace that he will drift off to his dreams in almost no time. We both smiled as Gracie walked down the hall carrying his exhausted body to bed.

I wonder how much of that is a reflection of how we are with God. As we grow and mature, we become more independent. And God loves to watch us as we grow and it makes him proud. But I wonder how much God smiles the times that no matter how independent we feel, we still just climb up in his arms and listen to his beautiful and sweet song of love that he sings to us. Maybe we should do this more often. And breath that sigh of relief that comes when you are overwhelmed with love and peace.

You Want Me To Do What?

The answer is surrender. Surrender my will to God's will. Not just part of my life, but all of my life. Last night when we were reading My Utmost for his Highest, I found this thought very challenging.

If we have received the Spirit of God, He will squeeze right through our lives, as if to ask, "Now where do I come into this relationship, this vacation you have planned, or these new books you want to read?"  And he always presses the point until we learn to make Him our first consideration.  Whenever we put other things first, there is confusion. --Owsald Chambers

When I thought about the above statement I had to ask myself 'How much of my life have I surrendered to God?' When I think about God I put him in the big picture of things, but there are lots of day to day things that I don't purposefully place God in the center of. And really that is where God wants to be.

So the next time we start something, whether it be a round of golf, feeding our children, cleaning our houses, or talking with our neighbors, let us think about how God fits into that situation. Let the Spirit remind us that we are called to surrender everything to Him. I will leave you with one more statement from Oswald Chambers' on this topic.

"The greatest word of Jesus to His disciples is abandon." --from My Utmost for His Highest